Spine-Tingling Tales of Grammatical Unrest

This month, I have been waging war on the phrase “me and my dad” (or derivatives thereof). I wish to rid this pronoun misuse from everyday fourth grade conversation.

The battle proceeds in the following fashion:

Miss C: How was your weekend?

Student: Well, me and my baby sister…

Miss C: My baby sister and I…

Student: Yeah! Me and my baby sister ate…

Miss C: My baby sister and I…

Student: Huh?

Miss C: You want to say, “My baby sister and I.” You and your baby sister are the compound subject, so you need to use a subject pronoun to replace yourself. “Me” is an object pronoun. So you want to say, “My baby sister and I.”

Student: She’s not your baby sister.

Miss C: *sigh*

Yup. But it’s getting better. I think they are mostly convinced that they should use “I” at the beginning of sentences and “me” in the predicate. This is not to say they consistently do, but they’re at least aware of it, and I’ve seen some self-correction. They are less enthusiastic at following the other subject/object pronoun distinctions.

Sentences like this cause them to make faces: “The policeman and they talked for an hour.” or “The librarian and we searched for a good book.”

“That sounds funny!” they say indignantly.

“That’s because you’ve said it and heard it incorrectly for so long that you don’t recognize the correct form,” I explain patiently. Then we review the finger rule wherein one finger covers up the first part of the compound subject and you read the remaining part to see if the pronoun makes sense.

In the last sentence, you’d cover up, “The librarian and,” and read, “____ searched for a good book.” The correct pronoun is clearly “we.” “Us” did not search for a good book.

It took some time, but they have grudgingly accepted the fact that I, you, he, she, it, we, and they are the only pronouns you may use in the subject, and me, you, him, her, it, us, and them must be used only in the object. There has, for the last week or so, been an uneasy grammatical truce in our classroom. They fill in their workbook pages correctly, but not without saying, for the record, “It just doesn’t sound right.” Their heads are convinced, but their hearts are not.

But the other day all their suppressed fourth grade grammatical angst rose to the surface in open protest. It happened when I tried to introduce the generally benign pronoun “whom.”

They absolutely balked.

This final assault on their 10-year grasp of the English language was not to be borne.

Whom?? Miss C, are you kidding?? We know that this word is strictly reserved for the King James Version of the Bible and has not one iota of bearing on our conversation or writing. This word is an affront to everything natural and right in the English language.

“Who is a subject pronoun. Whom is an object pronoun,” I read from our Easy Grammar book. “Do not end a sentence with to, for, with, or at. Use whom after to, for, with, or at.”

They stared at me in disbelief–as though I was speaking French, or had grown another head. Their frowns deepened and several in the back shook their heads in serious disapproval.

I read a few sample sentences: “For whom is that gift?” “With whom will you stay?” Noses wrinkled and a murmur of displeasure rumbled through the classroom. As I was reading, I could hear several quiet voices inserting the prepositions at the end of the sentences anyway.

Miss C: At whom was the dodgeball thrown?

Kid: (quietly) at

Miss C: With whom are we going to the zoo?

Kid: (quietly) with

Finally, a girl in the front row moved her head side to side in a classic “whatever” and said, “Uh, uh, uh, Miss C. I will NEVER say that. My family does NOT talk like that! I don’t care if it’s wrong.”

My other girl’s voice rose in assent, “It sounds too fancy.” The boys voiced their agreement or nodded vigorously.

It was outright grammatical mutiny.

The only ones who didn’t seem to be phased were my two Polish boys and my South Korean. They just chalked it up as one more mystery of the English language.

Perhaps I will just cut my losses and drop it, being content with “My sister and I ate pancakes for breakfast.” But…I may dare to ask, “For whom were those pancakes made?”

And then I’ll quickly run away, to avoid 10 Easy Grammar books being chucked at my head.